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* DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann St., N. Y. 



A LETTER FROM HOME 



Tit One m and One Scene 



BY 

GEORGE A. KYLE 



Copyright, 1903, by Dick & Fitzgerald 
(All rights reserved) 



e^t 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers 

18 Ann Street 



* 



.41 



^0^ 

V 



THE LIBRARY OF 
CONGRESS, 

Two Copies Received 

JUL 23 1903 

Q Copyright Entry 
Ku<u& b-/Cf 0$ 
©LASS 'A XXe. No. 

COPY 






A LETTER FROM HOME 



CHARACTERS 

Caleb A Deacon from down East 

Dorothy His Daughter 

Time of Performance. — About twenty minutes. 

Time. — Eight p.m. 

Location. — The New York home of Caleb's married daughter. 



COSTUMES 

Caleb. — Dress-coat and trousers, tall collar, cuffs, green neck- 
tie, low patent-leather shoes, white waistcoat, very bright stock- 
ings. 

Dorothy. — Evening dress. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As viewed by a performer on the stage facing the audience, r. 
means right hand of stage; l., left of stage; c, centre of stage; 
c. d., centre door at rear of stage; r. d., l. d., door at right and 
left of stage, up, toward rear of stage ; down, toward footlights. 



A LETTER FROM HOME 



SCENE. — Richly furnished apartment in New York home of 
Caleb's married daughter. Doors, with portieres, r., l. and 
c. Piano down l. Chairs down r., also r. and l. of c. d. 
Mantel, r., with mirror, and shelf on which is a small photo- 
graph in frame. 

[Dorothy is discovered seated at piano, playing 
and singing. As she nears the end of the piece Caleb 
cautiously looks into room from c. v., showing only 
his head. When song is finished Caleb enters c. 
Dorothy continues playing, unaware of Caleb's 
presence. Caleb is dressed only in shirt and 
trousers, suspenders fastened only in back and hang- 
ing down. He has in one hand necktie and cuffs, 
and coat and shoes in the other. Dorothy plays a 
livelier tune and Caleb dances down c, stops and 
beats time as Dorothy finishes with a flourish. She 
turns and sees him. 

Dorothy. Father ! (Rising and hurriedly pulling portieres to- 
gether at doors r. c. and l.) Aren't you ashamed? What are 
you thinking of. Did you meet any one in the hall? (Caleb 
nods "yes.") Who? 

Caleb (chuckles). Ev'rybudy in the house, I guess; that dude 
from Chicago, Miss Vanderdusen, 'n' jest as I was comin' in 
here I run plumb into that fat Miss — what's — her — name? Oh! 
Miss Trotwood. 



6 A Letter From Home 

Dorothy. Oh, how mortified I am! 

Caleb. Well, it all comes of tryin' to please you. (Holds up 
things in his hands.) Help me get into 'em, won't yer, Dorothy? 

Dorothy. Yes; but you mustn't go about the house half 
dressed. You're not at home. 

Caleb. I know that; 'n', Dorothy, if I'd a known the kind of 
circus I was gettin' into I'd never come. I can't get used to city 
ways ; we've been here six months at your sister's, 'n' it's no use. 
Let's go back home. We'll get 'long somehow. 

Dorothy. Not yet, father. Stay just a little while longer, 
please. 

Caleb. Well, I can't get 'long 'thout you, 'n' you want to 
stay, but there ain't no place like Rumney Falls, York County, 
State of Maine. What is this thing we're goin' to to-night? 

Dorothy. A musicale. 

Caleb. You goin' to sing? 

Dorothy. Yes. But now you must hurry and get dressed; 
put on your shoes. 

Caleb. No, sir ; them boots go on last. Number seven shoe 
and number nine foot ain't an agreeable combination. Button this 
on first. (Holds up collar.) It's a new one; latest thing out, 
so the feller said, fer a middle-aged gent, meanin' me. 

Dorothy. Isn't it rather high? 

Caleb. Two for a quarter. 

Dorothy. No, I mean 

Caleb. Yes, I know it's a choker. I've noticed that things in 
style 'n' sassiety most generally have somethin' out 'bout 'em — 
too high, or too low. (Holds up green necktie.) How does 
that strike you? 

Dorothy. Green ? Horrible ! 

Caleb. Man said there wa'n't a thing in New York that 
would suit me better. Paid him fifty cents for it, V thought so 
myself. 

Dorothy. But, father, haven't you another one ? If you wear 
thai you certainly will be laughed at. 

Caleb. Sence I've been in New York I've got kinder used to 
being laughed at, besides, if they have any of that green ice cream 



A Letter From Home 7 

to-night, same 's they always do, V I spill some of it same 's I 
prob'ly will, why, it won't show. Tie away. (Holds up his chin 
so that Dorothy can arrange his tie, which she proceeds to do.) 

Dorothy. If you will be stubborn, there! (Pulls tie tight.) 
You dear old daddy! (Pats his cheeks.) 

Caleb (twisting his head, as though tie was too tight). Hangin' 
must be a sorter disagreeable way to die. (Goes to mirror over 
mantel, r., and rearranges tie.) Ain't so bad. 

Dorothy. It's hideous. 

Caleb (takes framed photograph from mantel). Why, if here 
ain't a picture of your mother in her weddin' dress. (Dorothy 
looks at picture over his shoulder.) It was the same color. 
(Raises hand to tie.) Dorothy, 'n' I kinder had it in mind when I 
bought this. (Replaces photograph on mantel and takes a few 
steps backzvard with his eyes Axed on it.) Now for my cuffs. 
(Dorothy proceeds to button on his cuffs.) I ain't had cuffs on 
but twice before in my life : when I was married, 'n' at the layin' 
of the corner-stone of the town house, when I made a speech — or 
set out to. I hope I won't have 'em on again 'cept at my 
funeral. I won't kick then. Gee whittles ! I feel 'bout 's a cow 
would dressed in a rainy-day skirt, a shirt waist and a sailor hat. 

Dorothy. Now for your vest. (Holds vest for him.) 

Caleb (putting vest on). That's the only thing in the whole 
get-up that's mine; the rest I borrored for six dollars of a man 
who was born nearer Jerusalem than New York. (Suddenly puts 
hand to his breast.) Gee whittles! (Takes letter from pocket 
of vest.) I got a letter 'n' forgot to read it. (Sits and puts on 
spectacles.) It's from home, I'll bet. (Looks at address.) Yes, 
it's Lizzie's writin. (Opens letter.) Let's see what she's got 
to say. (Reads.) "Rumney Falls, York County, Maine. Dear 
Caleb and Dorothy: I take my pen in hand to write a few lines 
to you. Your last letter frightened me 'most to death. Do be 
careful 'bout your eatin' or you'll be havin' another liver spell 'n' 
nobudy to look after you." 

Dorothy. Well, I like that! 

Caleb (continues reading). "I showed your last letter to the 
Minister, 'n' last Sunday he preached 'bout fallin' from grace 



8 A Letter From Home 

amid the evils of a great city." (Caleb and Dorothy look at 
each other for a moment, and then burst out laughing.) Gee 
whittles! How the tongues must be waggin'. 

Dorothy. We, the text of a sermon. Think of it. 

Caleb (feeling of his ears). My ears are burnin' now — hotter 
'n' the place the parson 'd like to send us to. (Reads.) "I'm 
sorry I showed him the letter now." (Speaks.) She needn't 
be. I hold a mortgage on the meetin' house for more'n it's 
worth. I guess when we go home they'll find a way to take me 
back. (Reads.) "I set two hens yesterday. The kittens I 
wrote to you 'bout have got their eyes opened." (Speaks.) I'm 
glad they've got 'em open so young. I had to come to New 
York to get mine opened. (Reads.) "There's a new calf — 
black, with a speckled face 'n' two white stockin's." (Speaks.) 
White stockin's ain't in style. Have you noticed mine? (Holds 
up foot displaying very bright-colored sock.) 

Dorothy. Father, those are not the proper thing ! 

Caleb. Proper? I didn't come to New York to be proper. 
(Reads.) "Old maid Harriman is merried at last. William 
Henry Adams is the lucky man." (Both laugh heartily. Caleb 
speaks.) Lucky man? Cross-grained old critter. What could 
Henry been thinkin' of to let himself be ketched by her? (Reads.) 
"Wilcomb Hopkins has lost his wife. She died last Thursday at 
half-past one in the mornin'." (Speaks.) That's too bad, ain't 
it? Well, we've all got to go. (Chuckles, then bursts out laugh- 
ing. ) 

Dorothy (astonished). Father! 

Caleb (restraining himself with difficulty). I — I know I hadn't 
orter laugh, but I was thinkin' of Bill's weddin' thirty years ago. 
(Reads.) "The village don't seem natural sence you 'n' Doro- 
thy went away. I thought you'd be homesick and come home 
long 'fore this, but I guess you've forgot all your friends 'n' 
neighbors. I can't tell how much I miss you both. Good night, 
and God bless you. Your sister Lizzie." (Speaks.) I want to 
read that again 'fore I go to bed. (Puts letter in pocket.) 

Dorothy. Yes, father. But won't you hurry now, please? 
Here's your coat. (Holds coat for him.) 



A Letter From Home 9 

Caleb (putting on coat). There, we are all ready now. 
Dorothy. My dress all right? (Turns about before him so 
that he can see her dress.) 
Caleb. Er — seems to be. Gee whittles ! I 'most forgot 

[EXIT hurriedly, c. 

Dorothy. Oh, dear! we'll be dreadfully late. 

RE-ENTER Caleb, a, with large bouquet of artificial flowers, 
which should be of a color that does not harmonise with 
Dorothy's dress. 

Caleb. I wanted you should look as slick as the rest of 'em. 

Dorothy. Oh, thank you ! You want me to wear them ? 

Caleb. That's what I bought 'em for. They ain't real. I 
bought 'em at a female hat store. I kinder thought you might 
use 'em again. There wa'n't no smell, so I got a bottle of 
violet water 'n' sprinkled 'em with it. (Dorothy fastens flowers 
to her dress during above.) Look first-rate, 'n' you can smell 
'em all over the room. Well, let's go 'n' have it over with. Will 
I have to talk much? (Going up toward c. d.) 

Dorothy. Be just as natural as you can. 

Caleb. Natural's a turkey on Fifth Avenoo. I'll bet if our 
old mare saw me comin' in this "get-up," she'd kick up her heels 
V wouldn't stop short of Portland. Gee whittles! I ain't got 
my shoes on. (Comes down, sits and tries to put shoe on.) 

Dorothy. Do hurry, please. 

Caleb (struggling with shoe). There (as shoe goes on). I 
am hurryin'. (Tries to put on other shoe.) You'll have to 
stand me up against the wall or I'll fall down. (Stops with shoe 
half on, leans back in chair and wipes forehead.) It's no use, 
Dorothy, I can't do it. 

Dorothy. But you had them on last night. 

Caleb. I know it, but my left foot has struck, 'n' I don't blame 
it, blamed if I do. This ain't no place for us, Dorothy. Let's 
go home to-morrer. I can't stand it 'nother day. I'm home- 
sick, 'n' it's got the best of me. (Dorothy makes a gesture of 



10 A Letter From Home 

impatience.) Don't scold — just a minute. (Takes letter from 
pocket and reads.) "The village don't seem natural sence you 'n* 
Dorothy went away." (Turns page, speaks.) Why, here's 
some more I didn't read. (Reads.) "I went up to the ceme- 
tery last Sunday 'n' tried to fix up the lot, but the grass was so 
high I couldn't do much." (Rises and speaks.) Dorothy, it 
don't seem right to be so far away from mother. When I'm gone 
you can come here and live with your sister all the time, if 
you want to. I know it's brighter 'n' livelier 'n' up home, but 
fer now — say you'll go home to-morrer. (Dorothy puts both 
of her hands in his.) There, I thought you would — a letter 
from home — it's helped a good many. Dorothy, now won't 
you play that piece I like so well? (Dorothy goes to piano.) 
It'll do us both good. {Sits. Dorothy plays and sings.) "Do 
they think of me at Home." 

[Caleb goes to mantel, gets photograph and returns to 
seat, looks at it intently. 



CURTAIN AT END OF SONG. 



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JUL 23 1903 

"JUST FOR FUN" 

An Up-to Date Society Comedy in Three Acts, by ELEANOR MAUD CRANE 

PRICE, 15 CENTS 

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DRAMATIS PERSONS 

Mrs. Fitzgerald Mandeville de Smythe . . a Would-Be Society Leader 

Miss Edith Morton, her niece a Western Heiress 

Miss Mabel West a Friend of Miss Morton's 

Jane McCarthey an Irish Maid-Servant 

Lord Chelsea ......... an English Nobleman 

Jack Earl, his friend . . . a Happy-Go-Lucky Fellow 

Time.— The Present. Place.— New York City. 

Time of Representation. — Two Hours. 



SYNOPSIS 



Act I. — In the course of which the audience learns how, for reasons of her own, 
Miss Morton persuades her friend Miss West to change places with her, and Lord 
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Act II. — During which Miss West plays eavesdropper, Mr. Earl learns a great 
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SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY 

A Farce in One Act, for 12 Male Characters, by L. C TEES 

PRICE, 15 CENTS 

DRAMATIS PERSONS 

Nicholas Snobson ...... the Old Crank Who Gives the Party 

Clarence Mountjoy his Gay and Festive Nephew 

Ebeneezer Snowball ........ a Mischievous "Coon" 

Julius Dinkelspiel ....... a Guest from the Fatherland 

Fazio Spaghetti a Dago Without the Monkey 

Henry Hawkins a Blarsted Henglishman 

Mrs. Hezekiah Chickenstealer, an unexpected guest from 

Thompson Street Female Impersonator 

Mrs. Michael Moriarty, from Shantytown^ likewise unex- 
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Jim Scrapper ...... a Tough Gent from the Fourth District 

Alfonso Heavyweight a Crushed Tragedian 

Bill Ballotbox ..... .... a Ward Politician 

Time.— The Present. Place.— New York. 
The piece will run about one hour, if played " straight." With specialties (which 
are provided for) it can be lengthened according to talent. 

THE KEY TO THE FUN 

Nicholas Snobson, a rich and eccentric woman hater, lives in seclusion with his 
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published; nothing slow in this piece ; 4 acts ; 2 % hours 8 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. Farcical comedy drama ; uproarious comedy 
features alternate with forceful, but not heavy pathos ; 4 acts ; 2 hours 7 

MAN FROM MAINE. Comedy drama with a wide-awake hero from "Down 
East " ; 5 acts ; 2% hours 9 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. Comedy drama with great "charac- 
ter " parts ; 4 acts, 2% hours ' 5 

MY LADY DARRELL. Drama possessing all the elements of success ; 
powerful situations, effective stage pictures, and grand climaxes ; 4 acts ; 
2j£ hours 9 

NIGHT OFF, A. Comedy by Augustin Daly ; printed from the original 
prompt-copy ; 4 acts ; 2 l / 2 hours 6 

PRISONER OF ANDERSONVILLE. Military comedy drama. An excel- 
lent play for amateurs, as all the parts are good and evenly divided ; 4 acts ; 
2% hours 10 

REGULAR FLIRT, A. Up-to-date comedy, especially recommended to 
those who have produced the author's "Just for Fun " ; 3 acts ; 2 hours... 4 

SEVEN-TWENTY-EIGHT. By Augustin Daly. There have been several 
imitations of this comedy, but . none of them approaches the original ; 
4 acts ; 2% hours 7 

SHAUN AROON. Stirring drama of home life in Ireland ; a simple real pic- 
ture of country life in the Emerald Isle ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 7 

SQUIRE TOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. Strong comedy drama; 5 acts; 
2% hours 5 

STEEL KING, THE. Comedy drama with brisk action; depicts the strug- 
gle between labor and capital ; 4 acts ; 2% hours 5 

WHAT'S NEXT? Farce comedy: 3 acts; plays 150 minutes; raises 150 
laughs 7 

WHITE LIE, A. Comedy drama; abounds in laughable comedy features 
and strong situations of serious interest ; 4 acts ; 2% hours 4 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann St., N. Y. 






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